I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
