next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
