i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
