Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
