my room smells like sperm. sweet.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
