Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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