I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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