Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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