I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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