So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
