We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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