"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
