There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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