You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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