I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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