He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
it was like having sex with a tree stump
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
