Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize