laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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