I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
