even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
