That's when you crack a 10am beer
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Randomize
