Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
