i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Someone came in the potted fern
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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