my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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