Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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