Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Drake has all the answers
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
