nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
