dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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