Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
