So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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