I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
