I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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