I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
wow bdsm is so cute
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