Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
