He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
