You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
