the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
