u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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