After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Randomize
