At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
