Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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