I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
