At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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