she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
