You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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