If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
