I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
