This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
