My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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