I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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