we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
bring money and cleavage
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
