She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
